Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
