I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
