Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
