who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She even gives head with a lisp.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
