ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
