is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
