WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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