My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
