I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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