woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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