I want to make a zoo with you.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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