I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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