you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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