Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
