this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
