Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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