he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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