My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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