tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
