what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
