This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
We have started to decorate penises.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
