Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
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He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
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She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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