Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
