Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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