Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
