I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
