watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Green mimosas i think yes
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
