my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
