that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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