she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
