Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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