No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
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