This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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