That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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