he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
