i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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