i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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