So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
