I just threw up on my dentist
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
