Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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