Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
