Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
