And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
