Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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