What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
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Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
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My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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