There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
