I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
