Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
