You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
