when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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