I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
where am i from again
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
