Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
They have beer where we have blood.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
