You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
