i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
