Jerry, you need to find god
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
