where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
