The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Randomize
