i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
