she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
