Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
