thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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